It’s all over me. Pulling me down. Wrapping all around me. A heavy fog of numb.
HAVE to escape. Now! Shake it off. Break free.
I felt that. Train + Window Pane + Bang… vibrating in my fingers, up my arm, echoing in my ears.
Trains in both hands now. A tingle of energy moving from deep inside out to the very edges of me.
Bang! Bang!! BANG!!!
Jumping. Laughing. Feeling.
Hands snatch the trains from mine. Even that feels good. Anything better than the dull nothing.
Words. Close to my ear.
“…blah, blah, gentle, blah…”
I pick up the basket at my feet.
Feeling the toys rolling off my belly, my legs, my feet… then the glorious clatter onto the floor. I make things happen. Me! I am powerful.
Mommy bends down, pressing toys into my hand, pointing to the basket. We drop them in. Small bang. Meh.
“…blah, blah, time to go… van.”
Van! I love the van! I love to GO! Coiling my body, ready to run to the door… until it catches my eye. Catches me, body and soul.
On the edge of the table. My favourite thing. The best thing. So many buttons. So many colours and noises and games. So much everything.
And, she’s looking away. Quick! Feet skittering across the floor, arms and legs climbing frantically, heart pounding… Got it!
She sees me! Now throwing myself off the table, prize clutched to my chest, down the hallway – the chase is on! Running. Laughing. Feeling.
More! More! More!
* * *
Today is exactly 1 year since our adoption was finalized, and the boy became ours for good, forever. It’s been exhausting and overwhelming at times, but never, ever, boring. At least not for long.
It’s been pointed out that “Gotcha Day” (which many adoptive families use to describe this day) sounds creepy and vaguely kidnap-y.
“Signed the Paperwork Day” doesn’t really capture the sentiment either. Nor does ”You’re Stuck With Us Now Day.” We’ve finally settled on:
“For Keeps Day.”
Definitely worth celebrating! And yes, there will be cake.
* * *
So here’s us, where we’re learning to make room for: fun, impulsive, hyperactive, sensory seeking, rough & tumble, and being a boy.