How I Got My Black Eye

There was a car coming.

When you’re parked at the side of busy road, this is a significant detail. There was a car coming and I was trying to get into the van before it squashed me like a bug.

It’s possible I was slightly flustered.

The car was coming very quickly. Definitely exceeding the speed limit. Vaguely resembling a tank.

In the heat of battle trying to unlock my car, the cord of my headphones wrapped around my neck, choking the breath out of me making me very uncomfortable. Juggling an overstuffed bag, iPhone, red umbrella and keys while being strangled by one’s own technology is upsetting, to say the least.

So I dropped my keys.

I dropped my keys on the ground and there was a car coming, very quickly. With the speed of a panther strangled rhino, I managed to retrieve my keys, unlock the door and hurl myself and all my belongings into the van, just as the car whizzed past.

Phew.

This would have been a successful operation, if only the umbrella had latched properly. Just a little click, holding everything into place. Such a small detail.

But alas, it was not. As my body leaned into the van it popped open, snapping my head back and viciously stabbing me in the eye.

I howled.

I cursed, Mommy style (yes, I’m very proud of my discipline in the heat of the moment) Dogonnit! Piece of crap! Shoot! Shoot! Shoot!

I looked around to see if anyone had seen my graceful moment. Totally embarassed.

Of course, then I went home to blog about it.

This is how I got my black eye.

The people who don’t read my blog are going to get a heroic story of kickboxing a mugger or subbing into the Canadian Women’s Hockey Team at the last minute.

Because most people don’t realize how dangerous umbrellas can be. But you do. So beware.

So here’s me, I had planned to find some profound lesson in this story. Isn’t that what we’re supposed to do with life? This is the best I can do…

Let the rain fall softly on your face

Embrace the precipitation

Because you can’t trust an umbrella.