Category Archives: holiday

December 21, 2012

Friday Favourites: The End of the World

By So Here's Us.... life on the raggedy edge.

candlesToday is The End.

Of the Mayan calender.

Not, it would seem, the world.

Since we don’t actually use the Mayan calender. Since most of us had never even heard of it until this year. Since it’s really not this mystical, prophetic word, merely the end of an ancient system of time measurement (according to our Mayan tour guide when we were in Mexico last year). It’s really not worth panicking about. When my calender runs out, I simply go out and get a new one. It doesn’t have to MEAN anything.

But there are a lot of Chicken Littles in this world. At the slightest provocation they jump right to doomsday scenarios. It’s silly, but kind of entertaining as they run around, wringing their hands, worrying about end of days. Remember Y2K? Good times.

At this time last week I heard about the Sandy Hook school shooting. I couldn’t believe it. I still can’t. For those families it really must feel like the end of the world, no matter what calendar we use. And as much as we want to find a reason and assign blame and make it MEAN something, it was the kind of horrific violence that will never make sense to me.

This is where Christmas can either help or hurt. Either it is an idealized, pretty holiday full of trite and easy answers. OR it is God of the Universe jumping into the chaos, confusion, pain and stupidity that we call life, to be WITH US.

There were end of the world cults in Jesus day. There was senseless cruelty and systematic violence (see: Herod killing all the babies of Bethlehem, Roman torture methods etc.). He wasn’t the instant-fix, beat-up-the-bullies, end-to-all-troubles Messiah they wanted and expected, but he was GOD WITH US. And somehow, even when it doesn’t make sense, that helps.

Prayer

Merciful God, in this Advent season we thank you that you can rewrite the script of our lives,

moving us from wandering to arrival,

from self-hatred to acceptance,

from distance to nearness,

from loneliness to belonging,

from weakness to energy,

and all this because of the enfleshment of your dear Son, our Lord and Savior Jesus, who became one of us

and showed us the way.

Amen.

From: Thoughts and Prayers of Advent

Christmas for Dummies

I almost gave up on this video, it seemed slow, but the ending is worth it. The point of all this: religion, christmas, theology… is really so simple.

Revolutionary Approach to Christmas

Both challenging and encouraging as we try to downsize Christmas to a more manageable size, Advent Conspiracy is a new way to approach the holidays.

Must See Video

If you haven’t seen Landfill Harmonic yet, then you’re a rotten egg. Triumph of the human spirit, uplifting, inspirational – I’m running out of clichés… you get the picture.

Quote

Christmas gift suggestions: To your enemy, forgiveness. To an opponent, tolerance. To a friend, your heart. To a customer, service. To all, charity. To every child, a good example. To yourself, respect.

~ Oren  Arnold

So here’s us, where each day the world begins again. And God is with us through it all.

Also, I mispell the word calander EVERY time.

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December 14, 2012

Friday Favourites Reblog: Christmas at Our House

By So Here's Us.... life on the raggedy edge.

I have mentioned recently that we’ve decided to Downsize Christmas this year (insert gasp of shock and horror). I haven’t always felt this way. So here’s a blast from the past (last year at this time) with an old Friday Favourites:

So, the main problem a lot of people have with Christmas is that it starts WAY too early and consumes everything in its wake. Capitalist profiteers grab onto it like its the last cigarette at an AA meeting. It is in your face everywhere you turn: the decorations, the events, the sales, the music… everywhere you go, that same cheesy music echoes in your ears.

Well, I totally drank the koolaid this year. So brace yourself for an all festive favourites post today. Sorry cynics, you’ll have to look elsewhere for your holiday rant. But be sure to check back in the new year, I have very ambivilant feelings about Valentine’s Day.

Favourite Christmas Quote: “Teach us to give and not to count the cost.” — St. Ignatius of Loyola. Coincidentally, this is my husband’s LEAST favourite Christmas quote. But I’m pretty sure the saint was talking about a generosity that goes beyond fuzzy socks and santa claus pez dispensers.

Favourite Christmas Book: The Best Christmas Pageant Ever by Barbara Robinson. Not the most politically correct book of all time, but it has a heart of pure gold. Plus, I remember my mom reading it to me, so extra points for nostalgia. It starts with “The Herdmans were absolutely the worst kids in the history of the world.”

Favourite Christmas Movie: definitely It’s a Wonderful Life! I MUST watch this at least once every year, preferably on Christmas Eve. If you don’t like this movie, you have no heart. You are cold and cynical. And you may be married to me.

Favourite Christmas Tradition: We shamelessly stole this idea from our friends Mark and Lanette (you know what they say about sincerity and flattery and all that good stuff). One night in December we invite another family to join us for Grinch Night (a different family every year; be nice, and next year we might invite you!). Everyone dresses in green; this may or may not include green streaks in your hair and green face paint. We eat all green food and watch “How the Grinch Stole Christmas!” and “Shrek the Halls”. Green caramel popcorn is the best – looks snotty, tastes delicious!

Favourite Gift Giving Ritual: Like most concerned (read: neurotic and guilt ridden) parents in the modern age, we are always looking for ways to teach our kids the real “reason for the season”. Ya, I said it. I just threw up in my mouth a little bit, it’s so cheesy, but truly, I want more for them than just mindless consumption. We found the idea of Three Wise Gifts in a parenting magazine years ago and it brings a little more meaning to Christmas morning. Before opening gifts we read about the Kings who came to worship Jesus (an undetermined number of magi who came years after Jesus was born with 3 gifts). Each year we buy our children gifts in these three categories – frankincense: for worship (usually a cd or meaningful book); myhrr: for the body (clothes or good smelling stuff); and gold: something precious (this is the “big” item and is often shared by all three). Not only does it keep the gifts reasonable, but each one represents a different side of Jesus – God, Saviour and King.

Favourite Christmas Character: Mary, the mother of God. A scared, confused teenager facing an unplanned pregnancy and the censure of her whole community. Birth-days are not cupcakes and party favours. On the actual day of birth there is pain, exhaustion, blood, sweat and tears. It is a messy, overwhelming, and completely amazing experience for every mother. Throw in a few miracles, angelic visitors, political upheavel, uninvited guests… it’s hardly the serene image we see on Christmas cards. But even more powerful, because that’s kind of God’s thing – showing up in the middle of chaos and upheaval.

A great place to find thought provoking and beautifully written articles called Deeper Story had a great post about Mary, definitely worth a read: Incarnation.

So here’s me, celebrating Christmas in the middle of chaos.

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December 4, 2012

By So Here's Us.... life on the raggedy edge.

How responsible of me – I’m recycling last year’s Christmas-y posts. This year I am looking forward to the staff party slightly more, since I know/like/have lots in common with the people at his new job. BUT the small talk thing continues to be a challenge.

So Here's Us.... life on the raggedy edge.'s avatarSo Here's Us...

‘Tis the season for close-quarters shopping, holiday recitals and office Christmas parties. Extroverts soak it all up – the energy, the excitement and the near constant socializing. For the rest of us, who shall hereafter be referred to as “normal,” the constant pressure to make nice with strangers is exhausting and overwhelming.

I’ve been struggling to find the appropriate analogy to describe my feelings as I anticipate my husband’s staff dinner. Sticking hot pokers in my eye? Getting a pap smear? Painful dental procedure? All three at the same time…

I hate small talk.

I’d like to think that this makes me a person of great depth, integrity and complexity. As if I am simply too busy/intellectual/chock full o’ spiritual insight to discuss unimportant topics with any old Joe Schmo who crosses my path. Of course, I have ample time to peruse pintrest, watch Walking Dead webisodes and google my own name.

The truth…

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November 29, 2012

Friday Favourites 37: Advent

By So Here's Us.... life on the raggedy edge.

Last day of November. Blink and you’ll miss the next month entirely, it can zip by that fast.

Advent has so many great possibilities, but this year, more than ever before, I am embracing the adage: I can’t do everything. Maybe you can. Maybe Martha Stewart can (millions of dollars and a household staff would help). But me, not so much.

We’re not skipping Christmas this year, we’re just, downsizing.

Quote

Anyone who believes that men are the equal of women has never seen a man trying to wrap a Christmas present.

~ Unknown (aka Common Sense)

Advent Tradition

It’s that special time of the year. The tradition we hold most dear. That’s right: Daily Chocolate.

BUT, I’ve got a thing about mainstream chocolate (which uses child slave labour to pick cocoa: mmmm… taste the suffering). So I’m not buying the standard ones anymore.

Enter despair and depression. I know you think I’m talking about the kids, but it’s Glen who nearly wept at the thought of doing without. On the other hand, I nearly wept at the prices of the fair trade calendars. So last year (when I was feeling more Griswald than Grinch) I put together our Fair Trade Advent Calender.

Christmas Countdown: Fair Trade Style

advent

Once it’s made, it’s not much work to tweak and reuse each year. This year the kids are helping put it together, including brainstorming simple family activities for each day: things we’re already doing or can do with little to no prep/hassle. I wonder if “Clean your room” counts as festive fun. I know it’d be fun for me.

Christmas Lights

This year we are NOT putting up our Christmas lights. After watching this, we may never again. I mean, how can you follow something like this?

At first I thought this song was saying something about “Gangland Style.” Some kind of hip hop nod to the mean streets. But then they did the dance at the Wiggles concert and it didn’t seem very gangster-ish after all. What language is that? What does it mean? When did I get so old that I am bothered not understanding the lyrics of a song?

Amphibian Video

C watches this and decides that she really MUST have a pet frog for Christmas. I watch and think, “ha ha ha… ew… NO.” Sorry kid.

Meanest. Mom. Ever.

So here’s us, celebrating Advent without a pet frog or Christmas lights or a daily dose of brown wax popped out of an overpackaged “calender”… and all the better for it.

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November 29, 2012

All I Want For Christmas is… Less Christmas

By So Here's Us.... life on the raggedy edge.

Sunday night we saw a production of Dickens’ “A Christmas Carol.”

In our basement.

The big girls and their friend put together an elaborate play with costumes and music and several very long intermissions. Their interpretation was unique to say the least.

Mary Scrooge was a modern woman who, according to the Ghost of Christmas Past, proposed to her boyfriend at Christmas. He promptly turned her down because she “just wasn’t into Christmas, which is, like, his favourite time of year… so it just would, like, never work.” Jerk! Kind of seems like she dodged a bullet there, but maybe that’s just me.

The Ghost of Christmas Present said, “S’up, yo?” then brought her to Tiny Tim, who was repeatedly dumped on his head. I’m pretty sure that wasn’t scripted, but it did increase the pathos (and fill me with gratitude that they had cast a Cabbage Patch doll instead of little brother for the role).

The Ghost of Christmas Future was appropriately creepy in one of our camping ponchos. The gravedigger, played by a snarky cowgirl, assured Mary that this would be her fate if she didn’t learn to love Christmas.

In the final scene, Scrooge celebrates her new favourite holiday (under threat of death) by running around town in a Hawaiian dress buying cheese for all the children. This is either a nod to Muppets Christmas Carol or a reflection of my eldest’s dearly held belief that cheese is the best food in the world (the stinkier the better).

The truth is, much like Mary, I’ve been dreading this whole season. The work. The decorating. The expense. The pine needles tracked through every nook and cranny of the house. The shopping and worrying and lists and trying to get everything right. I’ve been sick for a long time and now that I’m feeling better, this is a giant obligation hanging over my head.

But I’m the Mom. So my feelings from one moment to the next are rarely the priority. Which is why I decided to bite the bullet. I pulled the Christmas boxes out of storage and determined to unpack the bare minimum. The girls pulled out the rest and put most of it in their own room. At least now I can stop stressing about it.

It wasn’t that big of a deal. Not nearly as bad as I had built up in my head. In fact, it was fun to see how excited all the kids were. They have enough joy and anticipation and excitement to offset Mom and Dad’s general weariness.

I had to laugh at the subtext of their festive play. Not liking Christmas is the ultimate sin. Sure, Scrooge was rude and mean and greedy, but none of that was as unacceptable as being a Holiday Humbug. This is the moral of the tale as seen through preteen eyes. Also the Grinch, Shrek the Halls and countless sappy Hallmark specials.

Why is this a sin? Why do we feel this pressure? I have certainly felt guilty about my lack of “spirit” this year. I’m usually one of those Christmas-y folks that loves every minute.

Many of us take the opportunity in December to celebrate Jesus Christ. For us, the elaborate rituals of the season are all part of that, which makes it meaningful. But we don’t need Christmas to celebrate Jesus. He didn’t celebrate it himself, now that I think of it.

It is also a time to celebrate family and generosity and eating delicious food. For most of us. For some, Christmas comes with a lot of posing and pretending and pain. It’s consumerism at its worst. Greed. Loneliness. Impossible expectations.

So maybe that’s why the Grinch Hated Christmas. And maybe it’s none of our business that he did. It’s not a sin, after all.

Christmas is what you make of it. For some that means Martha Stewart meets Jimmy Stewart meets Angels Singing on High. For others, less is more. Who’s to say which is a better way? It comes down to personality, priorities and beliefs. So, let’s cut each other, and ourselves, some slack. Everyone should do as much or as little as they enjoy.

As for me and my house, we’ll find our Christmas spirit, just like we always do. And I’m not going to worry if we don’t.

After the show we all danced like maniacs to “All I Want For Christmas is You.” Pretty appropriate considering the one thing I’m totally excited about is sharing Christmas with our boy. Everything else is optional.

And for a moment, while L was showing her Dad how to do the moonwalk the “right” way, B was practicing her disco moves and the boy was doing an impressive running man, I felt like Christmas may be a pretty good idea after all.

So here’s me, a little less Grinch today than yesterday. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

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October 29, 2012

The Halloween Compromise

By So Here's Us.... life on the raggedy edge.

The “Happy Scarecrow” C made for our front lawn. It passes the test. Thanks S&J!

We didn’t celebrate Halloween in my house. There are a handful of pictures of Preschool Me as Red Riding Hood, but by the time my sisters came around, my parents’ “liberal trick-or-treating” urges had been thoroughly quashed. No carving pumpkins, no “what-are-you-going-as-this-year” discussions, and absolutely no witches, ghosts or monsters.We also didn’t do Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny or the Tooth Fairy.This sounds weird to most of you, right?

I don’t regret my somewhat unusual childhood. I didn’t miss anything important. I learned that I didn’t have to be like everyone else. And I didn’t often feel deprived (also, I snuck out with Jen Mastre to go trick or treating several years in a row… sorry Mom).

But, my husband comes from a very different culture than mine (most North Americans refer to it as Middle Class Normal; we called it “worldly”). When our cultures collided, I was forced to evaluate exactly what I think and believe about Halloween. And what it means to be a Christian.

Christians feel a great responsibility to represent Jesus to the whole world. When you love/admire/respect someone so deeply and feel that your every action reflects on them, well, that’s a lot of pressure. And sometimes, we can get weird about it. Halloween is one area where we as Christians sometimes overreact and freak the hell out (pun intended).

There are belief systems which are repugnant to me. Satanism, Aryan Nation, Rampant Consumerism, “Not Liking” Chocolate… to name just a few. But I’ve come to a point in my life where I am no longer threatened by them. God is not panicked by Halloween, so why should we be?

Whatever position you take on the Origins of Halloween debate (evil demonic ritual or harmless harvest party), at this point in history, right now, it has become a mainstream celebration of masquerade and candy and general creepiness. What matters most is not what it once meant, but what it means now. A lot like that pagan festival at the end of December that we’re all so fond of these days.

Make of it what you will. October is full of teachable moments in our home about what we believe and why we’re weird and how we live and how it’s okay for people to do things differently than us. And there are many good things about Halloween, especially for Christians:

  1. It builds COMMUNITY. It’s a rare chance to spend time with your neighbours. And show off your kids. In really cute costumes.
  2. It is an opportunity to be GENEROUS. And kind. And neighbourly. And hospitable. And all sorts of Jesus-y things. A unique chance to do all this in a culturally appropriate, non-obnoxious way. Plus, the really cute kids in costumes come right to your door – how convenient is that?
  3. It is FUN! This seems like the weak post-script at the end of the list. I mean, Christianity isn’t about having fun, right? Except for all the talk of joy and love and endless feasts/celebrations throughout the Bible which paint a different picture. I can’t see Jesus as the disapproving sourpuss with a dark house; more likely he’d be out there high-fiving the neighbour kids and enjoying the cute costumes. I know I will. Well, that and making sure the appropriate Candy Tax is levied on each child.

That said, I still don’t love Halloween. It’s just not my thing. We have friends who absolutely adore it and enjoy every minute. According to some consumer reports, it is second only to Christmas in holiday popularity.

But I find much of it unsettling. Years ago a neighbour strung up the corpse of a child in a tree, noose and all. Of course it was fake and supposed to be a fun decoration, but that year we knew two children who had been murdered. To say this was an upsetting would be an understatement. It gutted me that anyone could make light of it.

So we drew our line in the sand.

We do not celebrate fear and violence. This is our Halloween compromise. We enjoy the good. We avoid the bad. And for us, that means no spooky, scary, gorey, creepy, bloody, or (and this one is the rule throughout the year) slutty.

So here’s me, and this is how we redeem Halloween in our house.

Where do you stand on Halloween? Anything goes… the creepier the better? Or are there limits?

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May 11, 2012

Friday Favourites: Celebrate Mother’s Day!

By So Here's Us.... life on the raggedy edge.

Mother’s Day is a big deal for us right now. We made our upcoming adoption official and public just yesterday. And now we have 4 adorable photos of our new son to moon over. JUST in time for the big day! Everything is coming up Christie.

Quote

There is no way to be a perfect mother, and a million ways to be a good one.

~Jill Churchill

Mothers

I have many good mothers to thank for the part they play in my life. Not perfect, but in the messiness of life they are doing the best they can. And for that I am grateful!

Here are a few of the lessons they have taught me along the way…

  • Thank you Mom – for your unflagging optimism. You’ve taught me to have faith.
  • Thank you Grandma – for your passion for our heritage. You’ve taught me the value of story.
  • Thank you Mom-in-law – for your generosity. You’ve taught me to give lavishly.
  • Thank you Grandma-in-law – for your kindness. You’ve taught me to be gentle with people.
  • Thank you StepMom-in-law – for your strength. You’ve taught me to advocate for the ones I love.
  • Thank you Foster Mom – for your devotion to children. You are teaching me about sacrificial love.
  • Thank you Birth Mom – for your love and effort. You are on my mind most of all right now. I can’t imagine how difficult this day will be for you. Regardless of everything else that has happened in your life, you truly wanted to do right by S. You gave our son life, and that’s the best gift of all!

Video

This one makes me so sad that my Mom doesn’t live closer by, so that I can explain Skype and web cameras to her, again.

Music Video

If you can hang in there through the 2 brats hurling verbal abuse at one another, you will reach the prize. The prize being Mr.T in tube socks and short shorts doing a rap about Mothers.

You’re welcome.

Infographic

Everything you ever wanted to know about Mother’s Day… and then some, to be honest.

Brought to you by: http://www.ultimatecoupons.com/blog/2011/05/everything-you-ever-wanted-to-know-about-mothers-day-infographic/

So here’s me, thankful for all the good moms in my life. And frankly, kind of relieved that we’re, none of us, expected to be perfect.

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April 6, 2012

Good Friday Favourites

By So Here's Us.... life on the raggedy edge.

Today is the most somber holiday in the Christian calendar. So my usual sarcastic, irreverent Friday post doesn’t seem like the thing to do.

If you are not familiar with the story, here it is in a nutshell.

God creates humanity. Humanity rejects God. God reaches out to humanity over and over and over again. Humanity rejects God over and over and over again. It’s kind of our thing.

God becomes human (Jesus, God the Son, is born. Merry Christmas). Jesus reaches out to humanity. Humanity rejects him. In fact, humanity strips him naked, beats him up, and kills him.

This is the part where you almost expect the giant Hand of God (a la Monty Python) to reach down and smite us all, smite us good. Instead, God the Father lets his Son die, because that was the plan all along. He was the ultimate sacrifice – the blood ransom to free us from a prison of our own making.

The plan was that he give himself as an offering for sin

so that he’d see life come from it

– life, life, and more life.

Isaiah 53:10

Whatever you believe about Jesus or Christianity, this day is for all humanity. Yes, it is serious, but worth celebrating. So, here are some of my Good Friday Favourites.

Quote

This Word played life against death and death against life in tournament on the wood of the most holy cross, so that by his death he destroyed our death, and to give us life he spent his own bodily life. With love, then, he has so drawn us and with his kindness so conquered our malice that every heart should be won over.  Catherine of Siena

Blog

My friend Marc makes an important, spiritually powerful point. “Pontius Pilate is a pylon.” And how! Here is a post about the guy who just stood there and let it all happen: Pilatitus. Definitely worth a read, because sometimes we’re just like him.

Also, Laura Ziesal wrote a post that has stuck with me this week. “We serve a God who is not far from our pain.” Though Good Friday is not the main topic, My Least Favourite Day of the Year speaks to it in a powerful way, especially for anyone who has lost a child.

Liturgical Tradition

Don’t tell my Anabaptist ancestors, but occasionally I have a hankering for liturgy and the rituals of High Church. Yep, I’m pretty sure my Grandpa is spinning in his grave right now.

There is a richness and ancient meaning behind centuries old traditions. If I were going to pick one which appeals to me most, it would be Via Crucis, the Stations of the Cross. Whether it is a series of art displayed throughout a cathedral, an interactive physical experience or simply a devotional guide, each of the stations depicts a different part of the Good Friday story. Usually there are thoughts and prayers to meditate on at each station. Remembering is not something that just happens, it is something we do on purpose.

Pray through the Stations of the Cross online.

Video

It seems kind of douche-y to have a “favourite” part of Good Friday, since it’s all very grim and painful. But the time Jesus spent in the Garden of Gethsemane is what I am finding most meaningful lately. It hits me every time… Jesus did not eagerly skip to the cross with a serene smile on his face and a cheesy hymn on his lips . He struggled, he cried, he felt the bitterness of grief, and he begged for reprieve. Kind of encouraging for those of us who do not always find God’s will easy to stomach. It also makes his ultimate choice that much more meaningful.

Mel Gibson may be an enormous schmuck, but he did a great job dramatizing spiritual agony (not exactly the most visual concept) in Passion of the Christ.

So here’s me, forgiven, because He was forsaken. Take that creepy snake-satan!

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March 27, 2012

Modern Day Torture, aka The Timeshare Presentation

By So Here's Us.... life on the raggedy edge.

This time last week, we were on holiday, in Hawaii, but not anywhere we wanted to be. This time last week, the sun was shining, the beach was calling, but we were stuck indoors. This time last week, we experienced one of the unique tortures of modern society:

The timeshare presentation.

Reeling us in

They’re so friendly. Pushy, but friendly. First they butter you up with free chocolates and gifts for the kids. Then they pull out the big guns. The “no obligation whatsoever cause we’re not pushy and high pressure like those other guys” FREE gift that they are just dying to give you.

Sailboat ride.

For the whole family.

At sunset.

With a baby whale.

And dolphins.

And food. Free food.

We did that super secret, silent discussion that evolves sometime after the first decade of marriage. The eyebrow raise. Half shrug. Wink… no wait, he’s got something in his eye. Ah yes, the slight nod.

Okay, we’re in. But we are absolutely NOT going to buy anything. In fact, we felt better making that clear from the outset. “We don’t want to waste your time. We are absolutely not in any position to buy a timeshare right now, but yes, we’d like the free gift. Thank you for mentioning this trip to see the whales in front of our children, by the way. Okay, fine, sign us up.”

But just to be polite. And thrifty. Because free stuff is even better than baby whales. But we are absolutely NOT going to buy anything.

Setting the mood

And this is how we find ourselves setting the alarm insanely early ON OUR VACATION for a 90-minute sales pitch. Blech.

Now, to be honest, the only other time we did this, we ended up buying in. Perhaps we were just excited to finally have the salary level to make it into the “free stuff so we can woo you” club. And it’s been better than we expected. We’ve gotten our money’s worth and then some. We are timeshare believers.

In fact, without timeshare, we would never have been able to take this super-cheap vacation to Hawaii. The timeshare week was free (a limited time bonus, because we were a pretty hard sell). The airmiles paid for car rental and a few extra nights in the hotel. Cheap airfare came in the form of red eye flights with absurd layovers – 3 different flights to find our way home.

But we are absolutely NOT going to buy anything, this time.

So, here we wait with our cups of free cocoa. Neither of us drink coffee, which is a shame because the snazzy machine makes everything under the sun. The doughnuts aren’t half bad. Fresh fruit plate – breakfast of champions. There’s a popcorn machine in the corner. It’s like sample day at Costco. Be still my frugal little heart!

I shamelessly eavesdrop on the tables near us. What do you know, all the salespeople are just hitting it off with their new customers. They draw out the small talk and act disappointed by the need to broach the subject of the day.

“Cause, gee, I’m just having such a fabulous time yakking with you about your 14 grandchildren and your cat’s bursitis, but my slave driving boss insists that I go through this material with you. Did I mention that I have a cat too? Now that we’re such good buddies, I’m sure you won’t mind helping me out with it.”

Ya, I’m onto them. This is the “building rapport” part of the spiel. But they don’t fool me. No. I’m cool. I’m detatched. I’m a rock, I’m an iiiiiis-land… And I’ve got plenty of friends already. Bring it on.

That worked for about 2 1/2 minutes. When he asked about my kids, I chatted. I appreciated that he laughed at my jokes. I pulled out a picture. I’ll be honest, I gushed. What! Can I help it if my children are incredibly interesting and engaging?

It was like a really weird date, with me, my husband and some strange guy who was determined to befriend us.

The spiel

He shook his head. Acted very concerned about the timeshare situation we were already in. He didn’t want to alarm us. It wasn’t his place to trash talk the competition. Obviously, we are very giving and trusting people, without the keen business insight that is needed to navigate the treacherous timeshare game. Good thing we now have our brand new friend to help us.

As he proceeded to tell us about the company, there just HAPPENED to be pictures of his family there. And his dogs.

Now, I’m not much of an animal person, but I’ll tell you, those sad canine eyes were accusing me. Of wasting his time. Of denying him the commission he so desperately needs. You know, to feed his sad dogs. And his family. How could I do this to my new FRIEND? Why the heck are his dogs so pathetically depressed anyway?

The pressure

This is the part where you hear ALL about the amazing life that you will lead if you buy in (no prices shared of course, no matter how many times we asked). Apparently, the world is my oyster if I sign up. My children will have the wedding of their dreams. Paris will become my home away from home. And I will OWN a piece of paradise. My children will rise up and call me blessed. My children’s children will be brilliant and well-travelled because of our investment in their future.

Strongly implied is the fact that non-timeshare holders (or those like us who are with another company and are destined to be cheated, extorted and ultimately disappointed) will lead lives of sad desperation. There will never be time or money for a real holiday. The best we can hope for is quiet days spent huddled in a dank basement, braiding armpit hair into a scarf.

The deal

Eventually even the slickest salesman must put a price on it. Also the various comparisons and mental gymnastics we are put through to convince us that $50,000 is a ridiculous steal! Oh, and the $2000 yearly fee. If that is not exciting enough, they are generously offering to finance our investment at only 17%!

Now, I’m not much of a math girl, but my husband tells me that 17% of $50,000 will be $8,500 in interest that first year. With that much money, I’m pretty sure I could HIRE someone to braid me an armpit hair scarf.

Until they invent teleportation (after 3 red eye flights with a head cold I am deeply invested in this possibility) and food pellets for children (like for a fish: a week’s nutrition in one cheap, easy to serve patty), accomodation is only one small piece of the holiday puzzle. If we spend all our money on this timeshare, taking on additional debt (and, as a result, jobs and possibly bankruptcy), I’m not sure our vacation prospects will look up, no matter what our new friend and his shiny brochure promise.

In the end, I had to walk out. After 2 hours, my kids needed me and we were done with it all. I came back to sign the refusal paper and talk to yet another sales person about an even better deal (tip: be a hard sell and they will offer you something better). We were almost there a few times, but as we said many times throughout the whole process we are absolutely NOT going to buy anything.

So here’s me, timeshare presentation survivor and as rich (read: solidly middle class) as ever! And YES, the baby whale was totally worth it!

15 Comments   |  tags: , , , , | posted in holiday, marriage

January 2, 2012

Outgrowing New Years Resolutions

By So Here's Us.... life on the raggedy edge.

Hello, my name is Christie and I am a list addict.

I have discussed this predilection before (The “Honey Do” List). If you haven’t figured it out yet, I’m kind of a nerd. My absolutely favourite flavor of list has always been Resolutions.

There is something so intoxicating about this fantasy of future perfection. So, each year, I carefully craft a comprehensive manifesto for the year to come (okay, that sounds a little Una-Bomber-ish, but it’s an accurate descriptor). My administrative little soul shivers in pleasure at the thought of measurable targets and color-coded schedules. As if that’s not embarrassing enough, I’ve been known to alliterate the list categories: Health, Home, Happiness, Helping Others, Holiness… (a disturbing symptom of Sunday sermon brain rot).

This excess of order in the creation of my Resolutions has no actual benefit when it comes to their execution. I think the word is dissonance, as I cheerfully munch my way through a jumbo bag of sour patch kids while neatly formatting my diet goals for the year. In fact, the more time and energy I pour into drafting elaborate goals, the more I avoid any real action. I can ride the wave of optimism and good intentions for days, even weeks, before it all comes crashing down. And it always comes crashing down. The more elaborate the plan, the more spectacular the fail.

But this year will be different. No, I’m not giving up entirely. There is something inspiring about a new year and a new beginning. I am not willing to give that up, but I am changing my approach. Here’s a few things I’m trying to do different this year:

  • Let God weigh in. Too often I bring God a list of my objectives and plans, expecting that He will be thrilled that I thought of Him at all. Good things, valuable things that I’m sure will please Him, like a cat dropping a dead bird at her master’s feet. But my Maker has a better idea what I need and who I am becoming than I do, so why not consult the expert right from the word go?!
  • Focus on Being, Not Doing. Changing what I believe, my attitudes and my feelings, is so much more complicated than reading my bible each morning or eating leafy greens with dinner. But it is the only way for my resolve to outlast that early January idealism. It is more about my heart than teeth clenching, white knuckled willpower (which is good news, since I’m not so great with the willpower).
  • Keep it Simple. Instead of a long-winded list of Resolutions I am joining the One Word project this year. It’s such a great idea – find a single word to build your whole year around. In the next few days I’ll be posting my One Word 2012.

So here’s me, facing a year of change and upheaval without a mission statement or exhaustive list of goals. I’m not going to lie, it’s kind of relaxing! I should have done it years ago.

What are your resolutions this year? Do you have a structured timetable or cute acronym to keep them all straight? (Do you need one? I have years of experience after all!)

4 Comments   |  tags: , , , , | posted in christmas, personality