Every year, since time began, the women in my husband’s family have prepared a 4 layer, boiled icing, chocolate drizzled, MADE FROM SCRATCH German Chocolate Cake in celebration of each person’s birth. It is tradition.
In my family of origin that means something we sometimes do, if we feel like it. In in-law”ese” it means, a task or experience which is absolutely required and essential. If you don’t do it, you are out of the family. Or will wish you could be.
Shortly before I was married my Mom-in-law sat me down to have “the talk”. No, not sex; I wish it were that simple. This was about the legendary family cake and my new responsibilities as both a wife and, someday, mother.
You have to understand. I am not what you would call “kitchen friendly.” I think it’s a complex recipe if it calls for a can of soup AND shredded cheese. As for baking – someone like me is why God created Duncan Hines cake mixes (or why God created Duncan Hines in order that some day he would create cake mixes). Why, oh why, couldn’t the family tradition be DQ ice cream cake?
I can regale you with tales over the years of my many struggles with “the cake.” There have been tears, muttered profanity, botched attempts hastily thrown in the garbage, desperate calls to my mother (what does “fold in” mean?) and some years it just hasn’t worked out. But I keep trying. I even sift the flour for pete’s sake.
This year was no exception. A clue as to how it went… here is my husband’s facebook post:
The more my wife curses the cake she’s making for me, the more I appreciate her for making it. She’s very appreciated at this moment…
The cake layers were uneven and gaped. So I put a lot of icing on. The icing didn’t work quite right – perhaps cooled too long (since last year it wasn’t not long enough). It was super sticky, so I piled extra on. It slid down the cake, pooled on the edge of the plate and onto the counter. So, I put more on.
Every year without fail, this project causes me stress and frustration. So I’ve been asking myself – why do I do it?
Because, he makes me laugh…every day, at least once, but usually more.
Because, when we argue he talks in outline format (A…, point 1, 2…) and it’s strangely endearing.
Because, he is crazy about his girls and enjoys being their dad so much he wants another daughter.
Because, he is brilliant (don’t tell him I said this – but he’s way smarter than me).
Because, he is sexy and makes me feel that way too.
Because, he is the first person I want to tell when something good happens.
Because, his is the hug I need when things go bad.
Because, he really, really, really likes the cake.
Marriage is about loving that other person in the way they actually need and want – not the way that is convenient or makes sense to me. Now, I may still moan about this cake with my sister-in-law and I doubt it’ll ever be my favourite thing to do. In 364 days I will re-read this post and hopefully I will have a better attitude for that cake, because he really is worth it.
So here’s to Glen – a better man than I deserve. Happy Birthday G!
So Here's Us... 
August 15th, 2011 at 1:35 pm
I want to eat that plate.
August 15th, 2011 at 1:41 pm
Well, you did lick all the icing off the counter, so that’s a start!
August 15th, 2011 at 1:49 pm
Thanks for this post Christie. I got all teary for some reason reading it. Thanks for your perspectives on marriage and kids. All your posts have encouraged me in some kind of right and good direction and made me laugh.
August 15th, 2011 at 2:24 pm
It left me feeling a bit teary too 🙂 You rock Christie! I think our tradition is DQ which makes me sad cuz I like to bake 😦 and don’t like ice cream. Isn’t that the way it goes lol.
Just thought I’d lyk I’m reading and loving your new blog!
August 15th, 2011 at 5:03 pm
The love oozing from the cake makes it perfect! What a wonderful gift you have in each other, and a joy for us to be able to share these moments that you blog. Keep write and inspiring us.
August 15th, 2011 at 6:35 pm
Awe Christie! That was lovely! It makes me want to make the cake for Matt! Kinda…almost…but I probably won’t….no, I definitely won’t…that was a fleeting thought…I’ll just give him a hug instead and think about how glad I am that he was born in April. XOXO
August 15th, 2011 at 8:10 pm
It ended up being much more positive and life affirming than I thought it would. Who knew the CAKE could inspire good thoughts in me? I certainly didn’t see it coming.
Not to worry, even with these lofty thoughts – I am still available for all sis-in-law venting RE: the CAKE in the future.
Love
C
August 15th, 2011 at 8:07 pm
Thank you all for the kind words! It really made my day. If I could – I would send you each a piece of cake. But Glen would kill me. He’s not really into sharing the CAKE.
August 16th, 2011 at 4:25 am
Love it, you made my day! I’m just wondering though…in 5 years of being together ALL the time, how come we never got to taste the cake???
August 16th, 2011 at 6:31 pm
I can’t believe you didn’t. I mean, we practically all lived together back then. Glen says it’s because he was too selfish to part with even a crumb.
Tell you what – you come out here for a visit and I will make you your very own CAKE. Plus we have the ocean… Plus we have the mountains… Plus WE’RE HERE! Think about it…
August 16th, 2011 at 7:39 pm
The Cake is dead. Long live the Cake.
August 17th, 2011 at 5:07 am
maybe we did try it but I don’t remember. I do remember you making Jason an ice cream cake though! He doesn’t share either. The one time I took it to our bible study (at the dykstras) and Jason only got a sliver of his ice cream cake…never again! Now he gets his own. If we do come for a visit, please don’t make the cake ahead of time, I’d like to see the show! It is our turn to visit isn’t it! If only Jason would take time off…
December 30th, 2011 at 9:47 pm
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August 15th, 2014 at 7:53 pm
You are amazing! That cake sounds like SO much work. I would be losing my mind over a baking project like that as well. But I have to say, not a lot of families have traditions so I think it is kinda neat that they have a tradition like this. Good for you for doing it again and again! Oh and I was going to ask if you could bring a home made cake over next week? Haha…. totally joking. I would never ask such a thing!
August 16th, 2014 at 7:29 pm
It is a cool tradition, and as much as I whine about it ahead of time, it’s very appreciated. Every year it gets a bit easier (and I take a lot more shortcuts than my Mom-in-law – shhhhh). But, I’m still going to be the simple and/or store bought contributor at any pot luck. Even yours. 😉