Describing today… the words that come to mind are: ‘insanity’ also ‘gruelling’ and ‘why-on-earth-do-we-have-so-many-kids/appointments/medical issues. Today I’ve spoken to an OT, 3 SLPs, a dietician, 3 Pediatric oncology nurses, a nursing student, a child life specialist, a lab tech, a PT, a social worker, and 2 psychologists (if you know what all these are you likely have a child with special needs or work in the field). Tomorrow will be even busier.
For some reason, in all my wisdom, I made plans to make an elaborate (for me) dinner tonight. I’ve been craving meatloaf and mashed potatoes. After a day of driving and appointments and cajoling little patients into cooperating… this part of the day was for me.
Until it all fell apart. And I can blame the traffic jam and the skin infection and the doctor having other responsibilities – and possibly universe itself because, of course, when does anything go smoothly for us?
When I realized my meal plans weren’t going to work out I handled it like a mature adult. Teeth gritted. Deep breaths. Low level anger trying to gnaw it’s way out of my chest.
On top of that, a layer of guilt. Because this really isn’t a bad day in the scheme of things. I had cried over a heartbreaking Facebook post from cancer friends earlier that day. In a world where stuff like that happens, my ruined dinner plans should barely register.
I made another plan – Daddy makes dinner tonight.Kraft Dinner and spinach salad to be precise.
Not my favourite meal plan. But what a relief. Now I had time to catch up with an old friend in the midst of errands. And there wasn’t any rush to get home. And when I got there we all sat around the table and laughed together and shared our stories and it was the best part of my day.
And the food wasn’t bad either.
So, I guess my point is this: often my worst enemy is my own expectations. Life goes smoother when I hold plans loosely, and flex with the situation. Especially on days like today.