Day 21: Hide and Hope to be Found

‘Hide and seek’ is a favourite game in our house.

It goes like this: out of nowhere a squeaky little voice demands I count to ten. Then yells “Close you eyes!!!” as feet scamper away. But not very far away. There are three spots in heavy rotation these days – behind a bedroom door, the corner of the couch with a blanket over the head (and only the head) or wedged between the tall cupboard door and shelves in the kitchen.

Not only are these ‘hiding’ spots predictable, they conceal very little… which is the point. As soon as I call out “TEN!” the giggling and rustling begins. After a mere five seconds my little playmates run out of patience and begin to sing “I’m over heeeeere! Look! Look! Look!” If I still look past them (and I often do, because I’m just that kind of seeker) they will start manically waving and jumping up and down. “It’s me! I’m here! Come find me!”

When I finally clue in it’s all laughs and hugs, because being found is the best part. My kids have very little desire to hide. They’re not even interested in winning. But they SO badly want someone to seek them out.

Don’t we all?

I wondered if this is a developmental stage or special needs thing. I wondered if it is an adoption or attachment thing. I’ve decided it’s a human thing.

Why else would I wade through awkward small talk and inane status updates? Why linger after school drop off? Why ask people out to coffee – which I don’t drink and can’t even stand to smell?

I want to know that my face isn’t another blur in the crowd. I’m drawn to people with empathy and insight. I cherish friends who know me well enough to see beyond “fine.” I want to be noticed, understood, appreciated… we all do. We don’t just crave connection, we need it.

I’m not always good at it. It’s exhausting. And scary. I’m more comfortable behind a flickering screen, hiding in my house, snug within my routine. I’m an introvert. I don’t have much time or energy to spare.

Still, there’s a part of me that’s crying out “It’s me! I’m here! Come find me!”

If I try hiding less and seeking more maybe I’ll find someone else who needs it too. Not just in the big wide world, but here in my own home. Not just the building of life long friendships, but in small ways, in passing interactions with strangers.

It’s a basic human reality – we’re all hoping to be found.

About So Here's Us.... life on the raggedy edge.

I'm a bookworm, nature lover, kick-boxer, candy fiend, sci fi geek, home body, progressive Christian and part-time student. I love my crazy life and the messy, fun, stubborn, silly, brilliant people who populate it. View all posts by So Here's Us.... life on the raggedy edge.

7 responses to “Day 21: Hide and Hope to be Found

  • Tina

    I so needed to read this today. It speaks to where I am at lately. I too as an introvert am seeking something, wanting people to notice me, yet not really wanting to be found. How ironic is that? What’s more, what a good question to ask myself… is there anyone else that is hoping to be found and what am I doing to make or help that happen. It’s time to look past myself and start noticing the needs of others. A wonderful challenge for me right now…

  • Naomi

    I can so relate to what you are saying ….. sometimes even what seems to be a normal functioning (work, friendship or home) environment we find ourselves seeing to be found … noticed … acknowledged not just on the big occassions or accomplishments but for the simpler things too. that someone can see beneath the surface of us. As we seek we often find that it comes full circle and returns to us, at least that’s what I’m starting to find as I try and extend my wings. I sense this need each day from my kids as they come for bandages and ice packs …. the seeking to be found …. acknowleged and cared for. The human need in all of us whether we are big people or little people.

  • susanisome

    Hi! I’ve been following your blog. I’m always moved! As a grown up with cancer I’m often reduced to the emotions of a frightened child. I wonder sometimes what I can do to contribute to this wacky world I inhabit. I’m an artist and I’d really really like to write and illustrate a picture book for little girls with cancer. Something fun! Something that could make them laugh! Something you wrote about : not wanting her old hair to come back again..inspired me! I was picturing all the wacky things she could put on her hairless head until her lovely new locks return. I think it would make a great story with fun pictures! Do you have any suggestions/ ideas to share with me on the subject? You’ve already shared so much and I thank you for it! Most sincerely, Susan Isome

    If you’d like to see my work please google me..there’s a lot on my twitter: susieforever

    Sent from my iPad


    • So Here's Us.... life on the raggedy edge.

      Susan – I was thrilled to read your comment and the more I’ve thought about it all afternoon the more overwhelmed I am by the AWESOMENESS of your idea!!! When B’s hair started falling out I had the child life specialist bring us all the books about it. And they were so depressing. So negative. I ended up using the pictures but making up happier stories. Especially for B… she wasn’t going to believe it was a terrible tragedy unless we acted like it was. The world NEEDS this kind of book! And what a brilliant artist you are. I’m beyond pissed that you are facing cancer too. But so very glad that you’ve got this idea (totally rambling but I am a huge fan of this…). Ideas spinning… I’ll email you!! ❤

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: